Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Chapter 84: Big Girls Don't Cry

Warning: Language, abusive relationships

  The car was supposed to be a hobby to help keep his grandfather out of trouble, except Alder didn't like working on cars, he only liked driving them, and the faster the better.  Colin pulled a wrench out of the toolbox, the task of making it a running car seemed to have fallen on his shoulders.  Colin didn't mind, he actually found it soothing at times, he could beat on it and have his choice of who he pictured while he did so, bird boy, or a*shole.

  He heard the giggling again, and his lips twisted.  Today it would be the a*shole.  He pounded on the rusty part with the wrench.

  "I don't think that's the proper way to fix a car."

  Colin turned slightly and faced his Dad, wrench in hand.  "Maybe not, but it keeps me from pounding the sh*t out of the a*shole."

  "Luna's happy with him."  Ryder observed.

  Colin grunted.  "Today."  He had tried to talk his daughter about the a*shole, but she had stubbornly defended him and his stupid a*s choices.  Choices that had made his daughter cry too many nights in a row after talking to the a*shole on the phone.  She thought no one would hear her in her room, but Colin heard her.  Everything he had tried to tell her fell on deaf ears, she wasn't interested in hearing it, and she had even threatened to move out and never speak to him again.  So he had backed off.  Was he f*cking happy about it?  F*ck no, but he didn't want to f*cking drive her away either, then she would only have the a*shole.

  "Being a parent f*cking sucks Dad."  Ryder nodded in agreement, he had been there before.

  Luna giggled.  "Let's try this again!  Smile!" 

   She held her phone out and tried to snap another picture, but Devin tickled her again, causing her to squeak and drop her phone...again.  "Dev!" she scolded playfully.  "I want a nice picture of us, you're not being very cooperative."  She bent down and picked her phone up, dusting off the snow.

  Devin laughed.  "Luna, you're putting on too much weight for it to be a nice picture.  Just look at how chubby your cheeks are!"  He shook his head.  "You could stand to lose a few pounds."

  Luna bit her lip.  She had tried not to gain too much weight, and she thought she had been fairly successful.  Many people didn't even know she was pregnant.  "I'm sorry, it's the baby."

  Devin rolled his eyes.  "That's always your go to excuse isn't it Luna?  When in fact it's because you're such a lazy cow, if you ate less, and exercised more, well, I might find you more attractive."

  Luna was crushed.  "You don't find me attractive?"

  "When you're a fat cow?  Not as much, but it's all good baby, I still love you."  Luna's face fell, she appreciated his honesty, but the words still hurt.  "Hey, just to make you happy, take a picture of this."  Luna raised her phone and snapped a picture just as Devin kissed her.


  He let his hand wander up, and he squeezed her breast.  "I do like how big your boobs are getting though.  Just thinking about them is making me really horny right now.   Baby, how about we go to your bedroom."  He kissed her neck while his hand fondled her breasts.

  Luna tried to push his hands away.  "Dev, please don't!  We're in public, and at my Dad's house."

  Devin growled.  "Don't be such a c*ck tease Luna.  We're practically married, and you're living here now right?"  Luna nodded her head yes.  "Then that means this is your house too, not just your father's.  So let's go to your bedroom Baby, just the thought of pulling one over on your old man turns me on."

  "But," Luna tried once more, "our house is just over..."

  Devin covered her mouth with his own, forcefully kissing her and shutting her words off.  "Why don't you want me in your room Luna?  Has Turnip been there?"  He hissed.  "Well, has he?  Did you f*ck him in there Luna?"

  "Dev, you're hurting me.  I've told you before, it's not like that between Tanner and I, we're just friends."  Luna winced, whenever Tanner came up in conversation, which was often, Devin's mood turned ugly.  She loved that he was jealous, it proved that he loved her, but she just wished he would take her at her word sometimes.  They were only friends.  She knew how to turn this around though, she could hear her father clanking around in the garage, he was preoccupied, so..."Okay, I'll sneak you in."  At least she knew that Devin was still a little attracted to her.

  Jack frowned at the digital diagram in front of him.

   He needed to be able to teleport more than just a package of data, and according to the mechanics of Quantum entanglement theory, it should be possible.  He scratched his head absently.  But how?  Ethan's diagrams and equations outlined most of it, except the one critical part, the sheer size of a human versus the size of a packet of data.

  He had asked digital Ethan about it, but he had been of no help.  The real Ethan had never had the time to finish testing and figuring it out, it really was up to Jack.  He sighed.  What he needed was some sort of quantum nanite that could transfer data at the sub atomic particle level.  He sighed again, and rubbed his temples wearily.  What he needed even more than that was a helper of some sort, one that didn't require sleep or food, and could just keep running the equations and 3D models.  What he needed was a robot version of himself.

  He chuckled to himself.  As if that could ever happen!  But, what if?  The what if question had always been a tantalizing concept to him.  Could he make a robot version of himself?  Did he dare try?  He didn't want to waste valuable time chasing a distraction, but on the other hand, if he had robot, it would actually help him gain time by making him twice as efficient.  He grabbed a notebook and began to jot down some notes.


  Luna stared down at the ice cream container, spoon still in hand.

    She felt panicky and slightly nauseous, how had she downed half a carton of ice cream so quickly?  She couldn't believe it, she had meant to only have a spoonful, but it had tasted so good, that she had kept eating it and eating it and eating it.  She was so disgusted with herself, she had acted like the pig that Devin always accused her of being.  It turned out he was right, and the proof was in front of her.

  She pushed the carton away from her as a wave of nausea hit her.  She couldn't gain any more weight, if Devin ever really left her for good, she would be utterly devastated. It was bad enough she had pushed the baby on him, but to add gaining weight on top of it?

  She got up and paced around the kitchen, trying to get rid of the anxiety that flooded her body.  She took some deep calming breaths.  She had promised herself she wouldn't do it anymore, she didn't want to hurt her baby.  She paced some more, trying to outpace the urge.  If only she were strong enough, but she couldn't bear it, she just couldn't bear it, the ice cream had to go.  She ran for the upstairs bathroom, it was hardly ever used, and locked the door behind her.  She knelt down in front of the toilet, and stuck her finger down her throat.  She gagged, making her stomach roil in rebellion.

  She did it again, pushing her finger further back, and she began puking up all the ice cream she had eaten just moments ago.

     When she had emptied her stomach, she flushed the toilet, and used mouthwash to rinse her mouth out.  She splashed some cold water on her face, and stared at the woman in the mirror.  She was such a failure, she couldn't control her urge to eat, or her urge to throw it up afterwards.  She didn't know what Devin saw in her, she was only glad that he saw something.  Glad that he put up with her.  She was so lucky to have him, she didn't want to mess things up.

  She dried her face.  At least the anxiety was gone, purging always helped that.  She rubbed her tummy, and whispered, "I'm so sorry baby.  I'll do better next time, I promise."  It was a promise she hoped she could keep, but so far she hadn't been able to.  She blinked back tears, she was a grown woman now, she was too old to cry.

  She was too old to climb into her Daddy's lap too, and have him fight her battles for her.  Besides, she already knew how he felt, but he just didn't understand Devin the way she did.  He said Devin was no good for her, but he was wrong.  Devin was strong, and popular, and handsome, and a very talented football player, he was going to be a big shot someday.  And every girl wanted him, and wanted to be with him, but he was with her, only her, and not them.

  She unlocked the bathroom door and went into her bedroom.  Her dad had never changed her room, so it looked just like it had before she moved out.  She crawled onto her bed and curled up into a ball, hugging her knees to herself.  She wished her Dad was home, she could really use a hug.


  She was on one of her walks when the pains hit her.  She felt as though her stomach was being ripped apart, and she feared something was wrong with her baby.  She called Dev, but he told her to stop being such a drama queen and get her a*s to the hospital.  She would have liked a ride, but when she told him where she was, he told her she was being stupid.  She was only a few blocks away from the hospital.  Once again he was right, and she shuffled her way there as quickly as she could, pausing only when a contraction would force her to.

   Within minutes of arriving a nurse wheeled her into a room, and just a few moments later,  Doctor Rosenburg rushed in. She liked the doctor, he had kind eyes.  He told her that her baby was ready to come out, so she asked the nurse to call Devin for her once more.  She could tell by the look on the nurse's face that Devin wasn't going to show up.

  Luna didn't have any more time to think about that, her body was taking over.  The pain was excruciating, but she was too close to delivery, they couldn't give her any pain meds.  She cried, tears of joy, not pain, when she saw her son for the first time.  "Trevor."  She whispered his name, and reached out for him.

  "Just a minute Sweetie." the nurse said gently.  "We need to check him out.  He's a little small."

  It took a forever and a day for them to check Trevor over and make sure everything was okay with him.  At least it felt that way to Luna, but once he was certified as healthy and placed into her arms, Luna didn't care about any of it.  She had her beautiful son in her arms.  She breathed in his baby scent, and cuddled him close to her.  He was worth every moment of pain.

  A few hours later, she was ready to be released.  She called Devin to pick them up, and he promised to be there in fifteen minutes, so she went outside to wait for him.  She didn't want to upset him by having him come look for them.


   She watched for his vehicle, but after forty minutes he still hadn't shown up.  She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone.  He answered after the sixth ring, and he sounded angry and out of breath.  "What the h*ll Luna?"

  "What happened to you?  I thought you were going to pick us up?"

   "Something came up Luna, contract negotiations, sorry, you'll have to find another ride."  She heard whispering but couldn't make it out, she was about to ask what he was whispering when he came back with, "I have to go, Luna.  I'll call you later."  Click.  The phone went dead.  She stared at the phone in her hand.  Trevor started to fuss, and she bounced him gently, trying to keep him calm.

  She had left for her walk hours ago, it was now the middle of the night.  She felt like crying, but she sucked it in, and dialed a number.  "Daddy..."

  "Luna, where the h*ll are you?"

  "At the hospital..."

  "I'll be right there."  And he hung up.  She had been hung up on for the second time that night, but the last one was different.  She knew her Dad would show up.  She sighed heavily.  He would end up having to rescue her after all.


  Colin gently placed his grandson into the crib he had bought for him.


  "There you go buddy, home, safe and sound."  Trevor's eyes drifted shut as he yawned sleepily.  Colin smiled down at him.  Not even a few hours old, and Trevor already owned a large part of his heart. Trevor's father though, Colin could happily suit him up with a pair of lead shoes.  The a*shole had left his daughter and grandson stranded.  "Contract negotiations my a*s." he muttered to himself.

  The a*shole couldn't even come up with a lie that made sense.  He wished Luna would see him for what he was, but she had stupid f*cking blinders on where it concerned him.  Colin gritted his teeth.  It was so f*cking hard to watch his daughter put herself through that a*shole's bullsh*t, and not be able to do anything about it.  It had to be f*cking karma laughing at him.  How many women had he hurt by his actions when he was younger? So many faces, and he didn't even f*cking remember their names.  Back then, he hadn't f*cking cared either.  Life was a f*cking b*tch.

  He had been f*cking going out of his f*cking mind worried, when Luna had gone for a walk, and then didn't return.  He had called her friends, no one had f*cking heard from her.  He was sure she had been hit by a f*cking car or something equally as terrible when the hours passed, and there was still no f*cking word from her.  He was just about to f*cking call the police stations and hospitals when she had finally called him.  He had been so f*cking relieved that she was alive, he had only asked her the one question.  Where the h*ll was she?

 When he went to pick her up at the hospital, he noticed she was way too f*cking thin.  She was always eating, so he didn't f*cking know why she kept losing the weight, but if it kept up, he was going to f*cking drag her a*s to the doctors.  Kicking and screaming if need be. 


 "You should have let me get him."  Tanner's soft voice startled her.

   "I was already awake, but thanks, Tanner."  Tanner had been at the house the night she had brought Trevor home, he had been as worried about her as her father had been.  Her dad had told him it was too late to drive home, and just to crash in the spare bedroom.  That one night had turned into two, and then three, and so on.  He didn't seem to be in any hurry to leave.

   She had tried to get Tanner to go home many times.  She had told him in no uncertain terms that she could handle this motherhood thing without any help, she was just fine on her own.  Her family pitched in to, so it wasn't like she was totally on her own.  Tanner had simply smiled at her, and stayed anyway.

  She smiled fondly.  She had soaked way too many of his shirts over the years to fool him, he knew her too well.  Knew that she would want the help, but didn't want to have to ask for it.  Knew that just his presence had a way of soothing her, and keeping her calm.  She loved her family dearly, but sometimes they were too much.  Her dad was always trying to feed her, her grandpas fought over the correct way to hold Trevor, her brother Jack probably didn't even know she had been pregnant, and her sister Skye was filled with too much advice.

  She was thankful Tanner hadn't listened to her, because it was so nice to pretend for a little while that she wasn't alone in this. Luna had been a mother for all of thirty days, and she already felt like a failure.  Trevor was fussy, and wanted to be held constantly.  Some nights he wouldn't stop crying, and she felt so helpless that she wanted to cry right along with him.  Then suddenly, Tanner would be there, like an angel, and he would work his magic and manage to get both her and Trevor calmed down.

   Luna turned around to face him, a slight smile on her lips.  "I really do..." she paused as she took in his state of dress, or undress, and then quickly turned around again.   Tanner had a great body.  She hated it when she noticed non-friend things about him, he was just her friend, and her best friend at that.  She shouldn't be noticing how sexy he was in an old bathrobe, and it definitely shouldn't render her speechless either.  After an awkward moment, she said stupidly, "You have pj's here?"   Then she cringed inwardly.

  Tanner looked down at his clothes.  "Yeah, um, well, your Dad said since I practically live here anyway, I might as well move into the spare bedroom.  So I brought some of my stuff over."  He added, a little unsure, "I didn't think you would mind?"

  "No, no, of course not.  But why would you want to live with us?"  Oh please don't let Devin find out, oh please don't let Devin find out, it was a litany in her mind, replaying like a broken record.  What had possessed her father to invite Tanner anyway?  She knew her Dad had always liked him, but really?  Talk about complicating her life, and now Tanner would be walking around the house...like that.  He would be taking showers in the same shower she used.  Suddenly an image of him taking a shower popped into her head.  Her cheeks heated up, and she resisted the urge to fan herself.  Really, she didn't know what was wrong with her, it must be post pregnancy hormones.

  "Why?" he asked, a little perplexed.  "We're best friends aren't we Luna?  I want to be there for you, and for Trevor, like any friend would, you know, cause your boyfriend isn't able to right now."  Tanner made the statement as nicely as he could, he didn't want to get her dander up, and then listen to her defend the creep she was with.

She automatically corrected him.  "Fiance."  He was her best friend, and she was grateful for his willingness to help.  "I appreciate it a lot Tanner, but I feel bad, like I'm taking advantage of you."

  "There's no other place I'd rather be, then here with you and Trevor."

  "Okay, if you're sure."

  "I'm sure."  Tanner replied without hesitation.  Luna would just have to make sure that Devin never found out, she hated to think what his reaction would be to the news that Tanner was living with them.  By her Dad's invitation no less.


  Luna slid into the seat next to Tanner.  "Hey, you've been working on the car?  It looks great.  I can't believe Dad let you touch it, let alone sit in the driver's seat."

  Tanner swallowed hard, and forced himself to look away from her.  She wasn't wearing much of a top.  He glanced sideways at her.  Her shorts were really tight too.  He shifted uncomfortably.  Being just her friend was hard, especially since he wanted to be more.  So much more.  He cleared his throat.  "Uh yeah, I found I like to do body work, and I'm good at it.  Your Dad doesn't have the patience, so he let me."

  He wished she had worn the outfit to seduce him, but no such luck.  Knowing Luna, she had merely thrown on whatever clothes happened to be clean and closest to her reach.  She must be down to only clean underwear.  It sure looked like it could pass for underwear.  Lingerie style underwear.  He groaned silently.  He was in a torment of his own making.

  Luna turned to look at him.  "He just let you?  My Dad?"  She shook her head.  "Unbelievable."

  Tanner turned to face her, and casually put his arm across the seat. "He likes me."  Tanner said simply.  "And I like him too, we have a lot in common actually."  He took it as a good sign that she didn't move away, nor did she smack him, but instead she leaned back against his arm and looked up at him with those beautiful silver eyes of hers.

  "Now that's a scary thought." She murmured.

  Her lips were so close, it was all he could do to hold himself back and not close the gap.  He wanted to kiss her so badly, but she was with someone else.  He had to keep reminding himself of that, and they were just friends.  Just.  Friends.

  She licked her lips nervously and he stifled a groan.  "A sculptor friend of mine is getting married in a week, the day before Trevor's birthday in fact.  I don't want to go alone, but Dev won't be able to make it.  Would you, would you mind going with me?"

  "To a wedding?"

  "I know, I know, not exactly bachelor territory.  But, please Tanner?  I really, really don't want to go by myself..."

  Tanner sighed. "I guess."  Luna squealed, and kissed him on the cheek. 

  "Thank you Tanner!  You're the best."    Tanner sighed again.  He was such a sap.  He never could say no to her.


  "Guess who decided to crawl out of his crib and go exploring instead of taking a nap?"

  Colin looked at the who in question.  "Hmm, I wonder."


    "The real question is, what is the damage?"

   Ryder smiled ruefully.  "Well, let's see, there's one little boy's outfit, a pair of tennis shoes, some walls that will need to be repainted, carpet that needs to get replaced, some sculpting clay, paints, assorted tools and brushes, oh, and a toilet."

  Colin raised his eyebrows and looked at Trevor.  "Well, weren't you a busy little bee."

  "Bee Ganpa!  I bee!  I make petties, ike Mama!"

  Colin chuckled.  "Yes you did, you little rascal.  Just like your Mama used to when she was little."  He pulled out his phone.  "Time to make some phone calls."  He had the repairman on speed dial.  As he waited for the repairman to answer, he asked, "Hey Dad, where did you put his clothes?"

  "The garbage.  There was no getting those things clean.  Trevor did a great job."

  "I bee!"  Trevor clapped his hands happily.  "I bee!"

  "I will remind Luna, once again, not to leave her studio unlocked.  Not that she'll listen."  Colin grumbled.  If his daughter had f*cking listened to him, she wouldn't be with the a*shole to begin with, let alone still with him.  All he needed was one f*cking sign from Luna that she was done with him, and he'd make sure that f*cking d*ckhead never showed his face around here again.

 The repairman finally answered.   "Hello Mr. Kahekili, let me guess, you have a broken toilet that needs to be fixed."

  "You guessed it."


Notes:  Darn, I hardly know what to say in my notes!

  Sorry---somewhat sad/depressing chapter, it is totally not my fault though!  Luna took over, this chapter was NOT supposed to be about her.  She was going to have a small mention---but then as I'm writing---her story started to unfold.  I feel so bad for her. =(  Originally, Devin was just going to be a cheater---but he has turned into so much more.  Ugly more.

  I never expected to write about abusive relationships---or eating disorders!  Bulimia is a very serious condition---you can click on the link to learn more about it.  Not all Bulimics do the binge and purge cycle, but Luna does.

  Well, I tried to end it on a slightly fun/happy note.  Trevor might look just like his dad, but he'll never be anything like him.  He makes pretties---like his Mama. =)

  Tanner doesn't really live in the household.  He was going to, but then Ivory had surprise triplets instead of twins---and I loved Jack.  So, in order for Jack to stay---Tanner wasn't actually able to move in, but for story purposes, he sleeps in a spare bedroom.  

  Thanks for reading---and I will endeavor to make my next chapter happier, lol